I'm the damaged loner outsider from the wrong side of tracks. Doesn't it ever occur to you how different we are? Like, on a cellular, DNA kind of level? You're a straight-A student. You a cheerleader. For Good's sakes, you're the perfect girl next door. I'm a weirdo. I don't fit in, end I don't wanna fit it.
Aquí voy a poner y a escribir textos en inglés.
Here I will write and write texts in English.
Espero que te guste.
I hope you like it.
You put me in a position where I have to defended you again. Where I have to bend my morals Again. Where I have to go against every single thing that I believe in AGAIN because I love you. Trust me. I can't.
I know grief. And I tried. But every time I let it skin in, that I gonna see him again. If you had a friend undeed would what you say? I have no answers. I've spend my entire life missing him.
It's my goddamm note, Mom. I want to see it I'm sorry I'm not fucking normal, Dad. Fuvk my leg. Fuck this fucking hole in my head. Buddy, I'm sorry. Fucking let me go. Come here. I'm broken I'm fucking broken. That's just how it's gonna be so why don't you just live with it. And I had friends. And now I don't have anything. Except all of you standing around feeling sorryfor me. You know what, maybe it would've been better if it had worked, right? I put the bullet through the middle of my brain the way It's supposed to go. Wouldn't that be better! You could all just get on with your stupid fucking lives!
Most nights I can swim but some night I drown and I sink as if an anchor is drawing me down I scream and shout but the noise is only echoed to myself and sometimes I look up through the waves and I second guess my porpuse but I don't reach I can't reach I'm tired up by chains, skinning like a rock to the bottom of the sea and everyone around me thinks I'm fine when in reality I can't fucking breath but I'm used to it facking a smile if you walked a mile in my shoes anything would you be able to last a whole night yeah right anything I would give for a quick fix you call it a ribcage I call it a bomb shelter because I'm just a grenade and I may just blow up if you pull my pin at four a.m I lie awake fighting the demons from the deep I'm at war with my mind when you are asleep I can't win depression is an ocean and currently I'm drowing yeah I mey be smiling but my heart is frowning and as my lungs showly felt with water I wonder of I can swim much farther I'm getting tired and no I don't need sleep I'm tired of sleep O'm tired of school I'm tired for life and I am still alive but I'm bleeding and I'm know maybe I deserve this I deserve this pain I don't deserve the sun I deserve the rain let it run through my veins and so I try to cut it out but no blade can cut deep enough and I can never scream loud enough for all these years I've tired to be tough but now the waves of sadness of swelling each night I'm hit by a tsunami and I gasp for air before I fall asleep and when I wake up I'm tired and it was swimming and all through the night the demons are winning these fight between life and death if I told you about every tear I've cried or every wish I've made the middle of the night you would let the same words slip off your tongue in ease stay strong but you have no idea how hard this is for me words can't fix what words have broken but who am I supposed to believe? Because sure don't fucking believe me you said that I'm beautiful but I don't see because in this life I am my own worst enemy I'm the one that cause myself to bleed and I may be drowning in this sea but what's the point if you can't hear my screams and maybe you see that I'm fighting ar 3 a.m but in reality I'm just sinking in to the deep don't follow me you won't like what you see I'm done fighting the battle that will never end maybe it would be easier if I let the ocean win.
Sometimes I feel like I'm just waiting for my burn. Sometimes I feel like I'm cursed a lot of people die around me. I mean it make sense, you know the self sacrifice you don't wanna lose this one too. Is it so creazy that I wold put someone else's happines before mine?
No, but I mean it's not completely praticial in the long run I mean at some point. You have to think about the things that are gonna make you happy too. You try to stay away, maybe you even want to stay away. But you don't. You never do. But don't sit here and pretend that you don't this thing in between you and me as much as I do.
This year has been literally the greatest year of my entire life. And I, uhm... I don't even know where to start telling you how incredible you have been, the truth is not a day goes by without you in my mind. So many things I want to say but still the words are hard to find but I don't think I need big words to tell you how I feel cause when I say I miss you that is exactly how I feel because in the end it makes you who you are. Be thankfull for your experience of acheving your dreams because there will be a time when all of it is gone and then suddenly disappears. Like it didn't even exist before.
I will tell them how you fought. How your spirit broke down but you continued on. How every human you ever came in contact with let you down, until you met me. I will tell them how I thought for you and us. How your broken past taught me how to heal my brokeness.
I'm tired and uninspired I am used batteries I am talentless and stale I am a book that's been read and now sits on the shelf I am broken guitar string I am useless I am invisible every day I feel like I am at war with the world some days I feel like I am standing on the tallest mountain screaming at the top of my lungs LOOK AT ME PLEASE LOOK AT ME if loneliness ever need a definition IT'D BE ME I see countless faces every that but do they see me? NO I am alone I am invisible all I wanna do is hold people like me I wanna hold you and kisses your scars and say I SEWAR TO GOD IT'LL BE OKAY NOT TODAY, BUT ONE DAY ONE DAY YOU WILL WAKE UP AND SMILE FOR NOT DAMN REASON but today, we can cry today, we can be invisible
I was the one who was embarassed
I didn't want you to see me the way that I saw myself I didn't want our relation ship to change but I couldn't stop I really wanted to but I couldn't stop. It just consumes my life. I can't concentrate on anything else.
I just hope the horses can heal-and put me together.
I don't want to be over because when this is over I have to admit that he's gone forever.
I need him I can't do this without him I can't live without him.
I will tell your story if you die. I will tell your story and keep you alive the beaest I can but I have always felt the feeling we would die young some die young but you better hold on so many things I need to say to you. Please don't let me go we said we would die together some die young.
I will tell you them how you fought. How your spirit broke down but you continued on. How every human you ever came in contact with let you down, until you met me. I will tell them how I thought for you and us. How your broken past taught me how to heal my brokeness. I won't tell them how you died because we will get throught this.
Wes was a really great guy. Like really just... He didn't really have an easy life... No. It was actually really... Dark. My point is it's awful isn't it... That this is what happen to him. Why are you crying? Did you even know Wes? Did any of you? I take it that's a no? Law school isn't really about making friends right! Yeah I bet some of you are really happy that he is dead cause that means your ranking goes up one like theres not even a budy to bury! You all vultures glomming onto this tragedy lije it's to your own. Ell it's not your tragedy! It is Wes's and he deserves better than this funeral with you phony aff people! So just go cry somewhere else!!
I don't care where we are I just care that we're together.
I know that now you're my home I'll do whatever you want. Just please stay.
It's like inthe great stories the ones that really mattered you're not just anymore.
One day you're gunna have to make a choice. People will put you down and you startes believing the lies around you and you'll never ever do anything good in your life I start to get a little something for myself and this happens these steps take you closer that voice saying "you're not good enought" and all you need is one more step.
See you have a choice to know which step you're gunna take today.
You are everything I never knew I always wanted.
Everybody thinks we found this broken downs horse and fixed him. But guess in a way we kind of fixed each other you're like two sides of the same cain I've seen how much he needs you.
How much you need him.
If you had a friend you knew you'd never see again what would you said? If you could done last thing for someone you love what would it be? Say it nothing lasts forever.
What difference does it make? Because in the end when you lose somebody every candle, every prayer is not gonna make up for the fact that you cared about use to be. I know you cared about her. Yeah I did.
I can't, I can't do this I can't there isn't a right way then you're allourd to move on. I can't move on and I don't want to. If that makes me weak then fine I'm wreak but I can't handle you being gone. Tell me that you'll never think of me again, tell me that you'll forget about me, tell me that you are gonna go on and like a full and happy life without me. "This is all my fault".
"I lost my way" "And I blamed you for me failures" "And I know that you think you have to do this today" " But I don't want you to" "Bit I guess" "If I love you" I should lef you move on.
When you cannot walk, let me help you to run. When you are afraid, let me teach you trust. When you feel weak, let me help you build your strength.
When you can't find your voice, let us speak without words. When you cannot reach, let me raise you above the world. When you want to give up, let me show you how far you can go.
I am gonna fall when gravity vanishes and I am gonna fall in something bigger than me, and I think to myself if this is how it feels to die.
But you know happiness can be found even in the darkes of times. If only remembers to turn on... the light.
So it’s not gonna be easy it’s gonna be really hard. We’re gonna have to work at this every day but i wanna do that cause i want you. I wanna all of you, forever.
I hurt so much. At so point we are all have to let go. I don’t know what i would do if something happened to you. There’s stuff all the time that we don’t know how to deal with and we’ve just gotta figure it out.
I really haven’t had much go right for me in my life and i’m pretty sure thing are gonna keep getting worse. But, you were a good thing. And when everything sucked you were the best thing we had going.
She’s a nightmare. Honestly no wonder she hasn’t got any friends.
NO! “I TRUSTED YOU”
She was my best friend.
I feel so angry all the time.
What’s happening to me? I feel more alone than ever.
Look at you “Who love you?”
You are nothing, nothing.
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